Photo by Wim van 't Einde on Unsplash
Omarion, or Omicron as its more formally known, is tearing through people faster than any version of Covid we’ve seen. I’ve watched and listened as case numbers have skyrocketed and loved ones have tested positive.
I sit here taking note of the pressure in my head and chest and my increased sinus drainage and wonder if this is it. I’ve taken three tests this week, and at this point, I’m hoping one comes back positive. I know that is a wildly reckless thing to say. I know this disease is deadly and even though Omarion is milder for those that are vaxed and boosted, it can still put you in the hospital. And I know that even if it doesn’t put you in the hospital, it can definitely knock you on your ass.
Still, I test and hope for that positive result. I’m tired of this hanging over my head. This pandemic has shown me types of isolation I didn’t know were possible. I’ve never yearned for company, physical touch or conversation as deeply as I have since Covid took the world by storm, and like many of us, I’m exhausted in ways I couldn’t have imagined.
Truth be told, I’m also a glutton for hardship and would rather face a fight head on. If I know its coming, and Omarion is, I’d rather face it on my terms and get through it. In the same breath, one day I know I won’t survive. One day, I’ll face something that will overcome me.
We all will. Most of us don’t know when, but we all know its coming. Death is almost always on my mind. I’m fascinated by it. It comes for everyone, yet we all live as if it won’t knock on our door.
I’ve been there when death comes knocking. I’ve held people as they’ve welcomed it, and been in the room as others have succumbed. I’ve heard death’s gasps and seen the tears it invokes. Death, like life and love, is always on my mind. I don’t think Omarion Rona is here to kill me. (Yes, I used its full name.)
I have a feeling about how I’ll go, and this isn’t it, but we never really know for sure do we? I’m waiting and wondering when I’ll feel the hit of Covid. I’ve grown weary of being watchful. I’m ready for the fight. I know that is an arrogant, even foolish thing to declare, but being authentic means sometimes I’m arrogant and foolish.
Sometimes, I welcome fights I should avoid. I don’t know what tomorrow holds, but now, in this moment, I know I’m tired of waiting on Omarion to touch me.
You are not alone with this, “just bring it” mentality. I have talked with several friends in healthcare who feel the same way as they work so hard to care for others suffering. I am just getting over Covid for the 2nd time and it was not fun at all. I am glad that I was vax’d and boostered…I cannot imagine how I would have felt. That being said, I am still taking precautions and doing my part. Thank you for your authenticity and making yourself vulnerable in ways that allows natural connection. It is a blessing for many. Stay strong friend. Many prayers for you and for us all in these trying times.
I hope you’re feeling better ❤️
Thanks for sharing yourself with us through your writing.