Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash
I typically hate Valentine’s Day. Nothing against St. Valentine, but c’mon. I used to think my hate was rooted in a valid critique of the capitalist impulse for consumption. While the critique is valid, my hate for the day goes beyond my political ideology and sociological annoyance.
Valentine’s Day is hard for me because love is hard for me. I mean really damn hard. There are dueling impulses within me. One that says I must be strong, remain unaffected and go it alone. This impulse hardens me and triggers a stance that makes love and romance feel pointless and annoying.
But there’s another impulse which drives me towards softness, affection, and vulnerability. I crave love. This impulse triggers an appreciation for love and a desire for relationship. One impulse is innate, and the other is a learned response to pain and hardship. A response I want to unlearn, but its more persistent that Boris Johnson’s political career.
As you might imagine, depending on the day, I can sound like two very different people when talking about love. So, who am I today? Well today, I’m holding my intellectual critique of this hallmark holiday while celebrating love itself.
Though I’m single, I have an immense amount of love in my life. I have people who genuinely care for me and want what is best. People who regularly show that love through texts, phone calls, and hugs. They send holiday cards, give me birthday gifts, and drop off food when I’m feeling sick. I’m surrounded by people who find ways to show up whenever I need them, and that thought alone brings tears of appreciation to my eyes. I love y’all so much.
I have more love in my life now than at any other point in time, and I am beyond grateful. Though I have valentine today, I’m held by love every single day. For that, I can soften and say thank you. To my friends, family, boo thangs, friends-with-benefits, and everyone in between, I am so thankful for each of you.
Yes, I may be wild, but I’m also real. I hope you’re honoring love today. I’d be remiss, however, if I didn’t acknowledge the different ways love can be honored today.
Maybe you’re grieving over a love recently lost. I’m sorry for you pain and thankful that you were able to experience that love while it was with you. I hope you feel cared for by your community while you commune with your grief.
Maybe you’re elated over a new love. I celebrate with you. May the butterflies linger, and the passion burn intensely. I hope you feel grounded even as this new love sweeps you off your feet.
Maybe you’re appreciating a long-term love that is persistent and immovable. May the memories of your past and hopes for your future fill your heart with a sense of abundance today. I hope you linger in the beauty of each moment together as you honor the paths you’ve travelled together.
There is no formula for the perfect love, so let’s just celebrate love today. Critique capitalism and celebrate love in all its forms. May we each soften a little and expand a lot, so that we can be changed by the love we experience.